Countless times you choke on the obnoxious feeling of being lost in your own skin, as you might be an inspirational role model walking earth, and people are viciously envious of how well-put your life is. Discrete your mind as you sink into it, you tip-toe around it, self-jaded you try to consume the last ounce of your energy to fight it away
Little did anyone know, an inward battle within is vigorously ignited, you are yearning to taste a long-been-lost-and-mostly-forgotten feeling.
A picture-perfect to any naked eye, it is your own–surrounded by fiercely loyal friends, beautiful family, all together while having your God-sent partner of your life shielding you, a gut-wrenchng feeling keeps crawling its way to the surface leaving you like a soulelss pile of a wax of the so-called human you used to pretend to be. If you tried turning to anyone the cliche sentences would ensure “be positive!” “count your blessings you” OR “stay strong”, that’s when pouring yourself out is rendered completely useless, for no one would ever understand your spoken mind.
You are well aware that you are damaged beyond repair, you don’t need to hear people’s void words about what you already are self-cognizant of. You are so self-conscious that averting away to embrace any state of denial is not listed on your escapism methodology this time, and mourning your state makes you feel like a vapid, it’ like you are so immersed that you’re one tragic backstory from being a super villain.
Thumbing through the old-self belongings of your own desperately to fetch the kit tool you opened once to fix you back to the living,you find yourself clutching the air; it vanished. It seems that you’ve lost it the last time used where you left of –thinking what’s the worst that could happen to ever need it again, against all odds though, the far worse did take place when you least expected it to while you were busy building steel-barrel walls of skepticism to shield you nodding off the crack that made its way onto one of the walls.
Searching for new tools is past your mental fortitude; you are just too exhausted, so you lay back as despair breathes its venom into your body slowly, paralyzing your soul, taking its sweet time to spread through your entire blood vessels, while you just lay there, helpless, losing the will to fight it all away…
… and through the scarps of your modern self you try to maintain the few lingering feeling(s) of self-content intact before you lose it to the saturated insanity..
Leave a comment