Grieving Age

It’s Funny How You Try To Make The World A Better Place To Live In
Yet All The Attempts Are Always In Vain,And It Still Remains An Untamed Train
Dark Forces Will Never Back off….. Just Squeezing Fiercely With A Thorny Cuff
Shall Never Leave Us Be,They Keep On Waiting On Every Corner..Closing More On Me
Discontentment Is Nothing But A Myth… In A World Swamped With Sordid Tramps
Faking..Lying..Stepping on Whoever To Become The Pathetic Champs
With A Hollow Soul They Keep On Battling…Not Knowing They Would End Up Totally Tumbling
Down To The Murky Hole They Once Crawled Out From
So,Why Try? When In The End I’m Never Going To Stay…Fight You Say??
To lose The Whole Battle?!…The Inwardly Struggle?
Not A Chance,Enough Blood Had Been Shed Already..So,Will You Just Remain Steady??
Tried So Hard To Shield Me From The Grieving Age
By locking Myself Inside My Own Little Cage
Facing This Cryptic World Is Now A Must…No, We Shan’t Satisfy Its Moldy lust
Like An UnLeashed Dirty Monster It Shouts For More..Enough Already!!!There Is Still Some Wrath In Your Store
Once Upon A Time Venting Frustration Was A Possible Thing…Too Much Happiness We Used To Bring
Yet This Scorched World Is Good At nothing But To Sting…
Deadly Poisons Through Our Veins..Seeding Nothing In Our Hearts But Some Filthy Grains
Leaving Us All In An EverLasting Strain…
So Many Dreams Were Broken…So Much Was Sacrificed..We Are So Left Behind..Fully Ready For The Upcoming Grind
It Won’t Stop Playing Dirty Till  It Turns Us All Blind
Till It Leads Us To A Place Where Nothing Shrouds But Darkness To Lose The Way,Where We Can’t Cast  Demons Away
Our Deepest Fears Shall Come To live..And We Are Never Going To Survive
We’d Better Look For A Great Escape..Or Else We’ll Become The Next Bait
Agony Will Rule Over And Out….Finding Its Way Easily Through The Moaning Crowd
Souls Shall Suffer An Eternal Pain….The Unnamed Offspring Of Sorrow Shall Be Plain
We Are Slipping  Into a Pocket Of QuickSand…With No Hope Or Room For Us To Stand
SunLight We Are Never Going To Feel  Its Rays On Our Faces For Real
Coldness Is What That World Spreads..Won’t Anyone Stop This Morbid Bleed?Or Even Listen To Our Anguished Entreats?
That Never Shall Be,We Reached The Point Of No Return….There Is No Lefts For Us Now To Turn
Will Our Strength Remain?When All We Can Hear Is The Sound Of Blame!!
Yet Through This Endless Orchard Of  Withered  Hearts We Go
Wishing Someday Hope Will Once Again Flow……
I Tried So Hard To Shield Me From The Grieving Age
By locking Myself Inside My Own Little Cage

The lexical syntax of your disturbance

The most mentally exhausting state you can ever endure is trying to decode your own feelings; your physic, mental state of mind that ascends from pleasure only to descend with no further ado unto despair. Worst still, you are no longer rest-assured whether the people you love, you DO have feelings lingering for them, or they are just means to disperse the void inside of you; variable tools that could be easily substituted with any other creature.

That terrifying state of mind dismantles all the barrier you had with your self-destructive thoughts, and instead of dancing with your demons, you find yourself becoming one, and it all comes so easily in an impossibly comprehensive counter-intuitive manner — while wearing a sweet smile, with the garments of the human flesh decorating your coated-bones, you pull off the part perfectly. You don’t only deceive people, you deceive your very own soul tricking it into leading a conveniently normal life with the minor of ups conjugating with the major of downs to abide to the natural course of the  by-default standard of living.

Still, at any given solitary moment, you  receive an excursively painful wake-up call injecting pathos unto who you really are when you are alone and how terrible you genuinely feel. You could feel the tighten grip of it squeezing your neck with shackles that you start seeking people; friends; encounters to dispatch yourself from this state, only when it hits you; do you really love these people. or you are only seeking their presence not to get asphyxiated on your dosage of self-destructive thoughts, only to find yourself sinking even deeper into the new whirl of freshly introduced loop.

For how many cycles around the sun you should undergo this and play with it, this is the endearing human nature of survival through denial that I will never understand, but experiencing it at the core.

Stay Beautifully sinful and never hypocritically righteous.

And the Wretched Walked the Earth (A silver tear and the seven sins)

The Prevailing Scheming has been stripped Naked
The Quest For Manhood They Dare Not Take It
Seeing Through Them Is Now Crystal Clear
The Hideous Scent we can smell of their Fear
Truth Is Ugly This is a fact…Upon Such Wickedness They Did Act

Bestowed Upon Them Their Primitive Instincts…Boiling in LUST is a matter of their sick instance !
Swinging and Driven by Their Animalistic Needs ; Casting away all their Humane Creeds
Lies And Psuedos They Perfect .. A tiny Gesture gets them Erect
Hot-blooded Puppets they’re lurking…At Every Corner Endlessly Smirking

Notoriously GREED dwells within..It’s a seed..Without which they could never breed
Money They Crave ; To it they become slaves ; Digging Slowly their graves
Yet They Never hesitate not for once to display their WRATH to maintain their withered path
Leaving behind a blood bath

Their disgusting appetite ,Outrageously screams at night ; their darkened light , Overwhelmingly shows PRIDE
Self-centered creatures..their ego is one of their striking features !
Superiority they dig badly..Narcissisticly they embody gladly ..

Sinking their nails into GLUTTONY fiercely…Thinking it shall make it up for their deficiency

Their genuinely twisted rotten core..always available at the store..they never cease to explore,Not for once it becomes a bore ; pathetically they beg for more
Yet They always give up the fight too soon ; changing whimsical energy for SLOTH under the full moon
Leaving nothing behind but DESPAIR to prevail,Realizing they Never did play fair
Thus, On their quest for authentic Manhood they severely did fail !

And The Wretched Walked the Earth.. Upon them an unlifted death curse
They become nothing but hungry souls..Giving away anything they’ll strive for more

So,Go ahead and throw your dice…For,against or Bias
… Each Man shall represent his own Vice

October’s Breast cancer Post: made-of-steel fighters against a hideous, well-equipped, disease

For the first time ever, I don’t know how to start versing my thoughts eloquently over what took place the past couple of weeks. I got on a spin-wheel shifting my entire existence 360 degrees to a better understanding state of how the world is functioning.

For starters, the world is not fair, it doesn’t abide by your terms of endearment to operate towards what’s best for you, at least what’s okay with you. You will stumble, fall twice as hard, your powers will grow feeble and eventually slip into a black hole of despair –slurping in every ounce of your energy, dimming off all the lights of hope, and inevitably crush your will to strive on mercilessly.

We thrive on logical fallacies and get to be floored down when our expectations are not met; in a secular world where some are fighting for a better position at work, to settle with a good man, to recover a bad heart-break, to be the best at what they do, to put an end to how they’re being bullied, to get over a momentary state of sadness for they can’t travel the world just like most of their friends did, to mourn the limitation of the life they’re leading and cussing every second of their existence, other people, on the other hand, undergo the same battles, only their battles are for something so basic without which you can never BE –Their lives, their sole existence in a tact body void of excruciating pain and sleepless nights– Cancer patients.

These people are the very epitome of sufferance, yet they unveil the beauty that shines blindingly in the process — showcasing rainbows and sprinkling,oh-so-bright, colors.

For those who are not familiar with Chemotherapy, it does’t only only involve hair loss and weight reduction aging your body old leaving it like a pile of wax, it drains your soul dry abducting your will to live slowly getting you yearn to die as a wishful escapism out of this painful misery. These beautiful people, nonetheless, hold on the tightest to life choosing to live each day to the fullest with a beautiful grin playing tricks on their lips, even in their toughest times of pain, they wish for nothing but some good morale-boost, genuine souls to pump their iron-will with oxygen and, fore-mostly, to be well.

For those beautiful, angelic-like, souls, I tip my hat for you. You make me stand at shame whenever I am down and cynical, cussing all the circumstance that got me wrapped up in whatever situation i am in, you are a true inspiration and a role model to each and every living being.

Carry on your battles against this fully-equipped disease, baring at the back of your heads, that we will always be there throughout your journey for cure. I couldn’t be more proud that I got to stumble upon your exquisite existence and be a vivid part of it.

Stay as beautiful..Always!

Abstract thoughts

I wasn’t always good at loving you. Sometimes I was needy and selfish. I wanted things from you that you weren’t ready to give: answers and explanations you didn’t have, support and understanding you weren’t capable of providing. And sometimes I was hesitant and pulled back. I couldn’t trust you, or myself, to accept what you were offering.

I wish I had allowed you to be in a place of change without making it all about me. I wish I hadn’t demanded that you leave your emotional space and meet me in mine. And not because I didn’t feel justified in my feelings—heartbreak left me plenty justified—but because I allowed my feelings to eclipse yours. I wasn’t always patient and kind. I was unsure and scared. This is how I loved you then—with feelings I couldn’t explain and choices I regret.

But I stayed. I chose to stay and keep loving you. I place another piece into the puzzle and know that I have you to thank. I can love you with forgiveness, with the knowledge that we set our bar so high, it was almost impossible to achieve. We dreamed big together.

And now I know I can love you with a consciousness in me that didn’t exist before we became “us.” Because through you I realized that love doesn’t always mean forever, but neither does letting go.

Midnight Rush-in.

As long as you are never lonely in your own company, then you are never alone and will do just fine.

Going with the flow..

Source: Going with the flow..

Going with the flow..

Life withdrawal symptom (N.): A state of numbness targets all your senses, paralyzes your mobility to strive forward and squeezes dry your willingness to live.

I was once told when you stop trying to impress people and take the sweet time wasted in the process to impress your worthy self, that’s when you truly enjoy what you’re doing and ultimately, find happiness.

I am the kind of person who cannot voice her opinion(s), nor her feelings, specially when pressured, it is both; liberating and suffocating –liberating in terms of I am never obliged to offer excuses to whomsoever about something i am doing/done, nor whine my tears dry over how down i am feeling, which saves me a great deal of emotional attachment I find useless, and suffocating because I don’t believe I have found anyone who would understand my troubled head, nor ever see right through me, no matter how hard i tried screaming my mind out. It is either thy bite their lips, or keep asking questions, “how are you feeling, now?”. Question of this sort I find EXTREMELY provocative. I don’t need your sympathy nor any attempt to soothe my wrangling soul. Long as you don’t understand, please keep your lips sealed.

I don’t love myself much? probably. It could be a self-destructive method I am dwelling to thinking it would save me the trouble of babbling my throat dry to someone, Or it could be twice as effective and I am not very cognizant of its effectiveness at the time being, however, the only thing I am sure of, that what is going on inside of me is NOT normal.

Am I a relationship material? Am I the kind of girl who will not repel her lover away at some point because of the unknown stroke of indefiniteness? How can possibly anyone love me when I find i hard to love myself to the very core? How can they cope with my troubled head and the fact they will never understand what i could be going through?

Am I a friendship material? I am a very nice person, loyal to religion and always there for my friends, but I get bored of their company real easily. How can someone stay when they get the feeling they’re dispensable at some moment of my life only because i got bored, or just appreciate my sweet territory of solitude over their company?

A lot of “Am I’s?” I can’t fetch a proper answer to, yet live goes on anyway, and for the first time in my life, I am way too indulged in misery that I am just going with the flow. Such a shame!

Rampaged thoughts

My Orphan bones are stretched thin through wasp limbs that now seem woefully inadequate to support all the pressures I have placed upon them.

There are only many nights I can confide in strangers before they all begin to wear their apologies the same.

Stirring my dormant fear of ever placing trust in a mortal lust-driven being. Time-bomb is ticking deafeningly hurling my inevitable demise.

Scraps of the modern self.

Countless times you choke on the obnoxious feeling of being lost in your own skin, as you might be an inspirational role model walking earth, and people are viciously envious of how well-put your life is. Discrete your mind as you sink into it, you tip-toe around it, self-jaded you try to consume the last ounce of your energy to fight it away

Little did anyone know, an inward battle within is vigorously ignited, you are yearning to taste a long-been-lost-and-mostly-forgotten feeling.
A picture-perfect to any naked eye, it is your own–surrounded by fiercely loyal friends, beautiful family, all together while having your God-sent partner of your life shielding you, a gut-wrenchng feeling keeps crawling its way to the surface leaving you like a soulelss pile of a wax of the so-called human you used to pretend to be. If you tried turning to anyone the cliche sentences would ensure “be positive!” “count your blessings you” OR “stay strong”, that’s when pouring yourself out is rendered completely useless, for no one would ever understand your spoken mind.
You are well aware that you are damaged beyond repair, you don’t need to hear people’s void words about what you already are self-cognizant of. You are so self-conscious that averting away to embrace any state of denial is not listed on your escapism methodology this time, and mourning your state makes you feel like a vapid, it’ like you are so immersed that you’re one tragic backstory from being a super villain.

Thumbing through the old-self belongings of your own desperately to fetch the kit tool you opened once to fix you back to the living,you find yourself clutching the air; it vanished. It seems that you’ve lost it the last time used where you left of –thinking what’s the worst that could happen to ever need it again, against all odds though, the far worse did take place when you least expected it to while you were busy building steel-barrel walls of skepticism to shield you nodding off the crack that made its way onto one of the walls.

Searching for new tools is past your mental fortitude; you are just too exhausted, so you lay back as despair breathes its venom into your body slowly, paralyzing your soul, taking its sweet time to spread through your entire blood vessels, while you just lay there, helpless, losing the will to fight it all away…

… and through the scarps of your modern self you try to maintain the few lingering feeling(s) of self-content intact before you lose it to the saturated insanity..

The fragile species..

We soak up a thousand emotional impressions in the span of seven seconds, so easily losing track of our own hearts, our own minds, our own pain and our own needs.

We are tailor-made to soothe panicked heartbeats and bestow smiles on suffering souls, but we lose sight of the juicy joy in curling our own lips upward into a gutsy, no-holds-barred grin.

We know exactly how to hide it all with a grin playing tricks on the curves of our lips.